So much grief in mamahood!

Becoming and being a mum is such an enormous transformation. And the picture that is painted by mainstream media and society is such a small – and mostly unrealistic – part of it. No wonder that so many women feel deep sadness, worry, anger or even shock! We expect rosy times to come, and while it truly IS breathtakingly beautiful to hold a healthy, peaceful baby in your arms, nobody had been mentioning the sleep deprivation, the malnourishment, the loneliness, the possible loss of dreams, partners, friends or a child, the upcoming triggers, the disappointment, shame, guilt, the many unanswered questions, the possible trauma and so much more. So we have one picture in our mind – the happy mum, always content and smiling, serving delicious dinner in a sparkling clean house to a husband that comes home with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers for her – while our reality looks totally different, which then brings us to feeling even more wrong and bad and incapable. After all, we “should” be able to handle this easily, right?

Mama, I hear you! You are not alone! We are many, many women and mums in the same situation. And it is ok. In fact, everything else would be strange! Because we are NOT supposed to be in all of this by ourselves! It takes a village…! Humans have, during all times and cultures, supported pregnant women and families with young children. Women in particular have gathered, listened, comforted, witnessed, held each other, shared knowledge, skills and recipes, rocked and nursed each others children, sang, danced, cried and laughed with each other. And our oh-so-modern society has completely abandoned and forgotten about this great need. A need that is fundamental for our families and therefore for our society. 

I believe that it is our time now. To re-member and reclaim all of this. No one else is going to give it to us – instead, we need to stand up for ourselves and our needs. And while this is a long path, we can walk simple, small steps into that direction. One of the most powerful steps is, I believe, to show ourselves vulnerable. To invite another mum over for a cup of tea although our house is a mess. To talk about the struggle we had the other day when our child had big emotions in the middle of the shop. To talk about the great pain that came with the loss of a baby. To tell the tired mama on the playground that you see her, and to offer her a cup of warm tea.

We are all in this together.

We, and only we, can change this.

Let’s rise together. Let’s stand up for and with each other.

And let’s sit together in circle again, witness each other, listen compassionately, share the things that move us deeply and lift each other up!